Kilts and Kisses
by Lady Merlin
Summary: House is bored and comes up with a ridiculous game. Wilson's bored and decided to play it too. House manages to distract himself from his own game, and Wilson sees signs that don't exist. What happens when House is distracted and Wilson is bitter? HWslash


**~*Kilts and Kisses*~**

aka '1st House War, between the Head and the Heart!'

**~Lady Merlin~**

Summary: House, as usual, has a crazy game. He and Wilson have to take turns making up crazy dares, and the one who can't beat the others' dare in terms of insanity, has to do the dare, whatever it may be. Unfortunately, Wilson's bored, so he accepts the challenge. Even more unfortunately, House can't keep his mind on the game, despite the fact the game is his own. His heart's being stupid again…

Warning: House Wilson Slash. Bromance.

Disclaimer: I own naught. Piss off.

**~*~**

"I, Greg House, Ultimate Ruler of the Universe, challenge _you_, J.E.W to a duel of wits!"

Wilson gave him a look. The look was very comprehensive. It meant many things, all depending on the context of the situation. In this particular context, however, this look meant all of its different meanings. This very small realization made House happy. He read:

1) Are you completely _insane_?

2) Oh dear, does something hurt?

3) Are you _high_?

4) Are you high _again_?

5) House, did someone die? Because if they did, you need to tell me. They deserve that much respect, that you at least attend their funeral.

6) Stop calling me by my religion and

7) You are _NOT_ the Ultimate Ruler of the Universe.

Momentarily he was stumped by the awesomeness of Wilsons' capability to multi-emote. The man must have been a woman in his past life. Maybe he deserved a post in his Universe-Ruling Board, as the Grand-Touchy-Feely-Dude.

"Aw, come on. I'm bored, you're bored, let's play a game!" House was impatient. The pain was getting to him. He needed a distraction.

"No, House. You _eternally_ cheat. It's no fun playing with someone who can't play fair…" Wilson complained, to no avail. Both of them knew he would end up playing, no matter what he said.

"What is this fair you speak of? I know fair as in skin colour, but somehow, it doesn't seem to apply in this context…" House said, using his deliberately obtuse voice to annoy Wilson.

Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Besides," House said in a much quieter voice, "I can't cheat in this game." The way he spoke told volumes to Wilson. The pain was really bad, and he was really desperate, and he didn't want any Vicodin. Wilson nodded. He had a bad feeling about this, but House seemed happier, suddenly.

"Alright, here's how it goes. It's very simple. We need to come up with outrageous dares, to trump the others' dares. When we reach a dare that the other person can't trump, they have to do it. Okay?"

Wilson nodded. Sounded easy enough.

"Me first. Let's start simple… I dare you to drink the ketchup in my fridge."

Wilson shrugged. "I dare you to drink the three month old _milk_ in your fridge."

House had the decency to wince. "I dare you to pop a Vicodin." Wilson had been adamant. He refused to even _think_ about trying the drug which had his friend in such a grip.

Wilson shook his head, both in refusal and amusement. "I dare you to _not_ pop a Vicodin."

"Did you actually think that could work?" House asked, incredulously. "Is that all the faith you have in my awesome dare making skills?" Wilson shrugged, and grinned. "Fine. I dare you to lick the floor under my kitchen table."

They simultaneously visualized the unimaginable chaos in the realm known as Under-Houses'-kitchen-table. It was a multi-purpose realm for storage of _everything._ And when they said _everything, _they _meant, _**everything**.

Wilson shuddered, but smiled. "I dare you to run down to the corner shop and back, in nothing but a white toga."

House looked at him, incredulously. "Oh, puh-leese. I dare you to run down to the corner shop and back, in _nothing!_" Wilson had set himself up for that one. "Besides, if you're so desperate to get me naked, you might as well get naked too…"

Wilson looked slightly disturbed and amused at the same time, and House grinned.

"I dare you to walk into Cuddy's office and tell her you love her, and that you want to passionately make love to her on her office floor with a convincing expression on your face." Wilson said it in one breath. House would mangle pauses, and come up with a different meaning.

"I dare you to walk in there and invite her to a threesome." House looked smug, as Wilson realised who the third person would be.

"Oh ew. I dare you to…erm… I know! Jump Cameron on her way out, and kiss her!" Wilson smirked. Brilliant.

"I always knew you had pedophilic tendencies, Wilson." Wilson rolled his eyes as House turned it on him, again. "I dare you to wear a skirt, _again!_"

Wilson threw up his hands to the sky, as if asking for forgiveness. "It was a _kilt, _and it was _one_ time, at a _costume party!_ Get over it, House!"

"Hah! You instantly knew what I was talking about! And you registered it as a skirt! So there! Hah!"

Wilson had a classic Wilson-esque Pose. His shirt sleeves were rolled up his slender golden forearms, his fists placed on his almost-girlish-hips, feet shoulder length apart. His almost-golden hair was falling over his forehead in a light spray, framing his giant brown eyes, which were focused on him, in a look of sarcastic awe and disbelief that anyone could be like that. His mouth was just slightly parted, showing the pink of his tongue and the edges of pearly white teeth. No one had noticed, but Wilson had the slightest dimple on his right cheek.

House shook his head as he looked down at his leg, deliberately reminding himself of the pain. He'd given away enough slips. Now his heart wasn't letting him rest.

What he didn't know was that his expression was one of some sort of admiration and disgust. To Wilson, who'd been dreading the day House found out about his preferences, this was a sign. House was admiring the perfectness of his trap, and was disgusted Wilson for being gay, and having an insane crush on him.

He couldn't help it. Suddenly, Wilson said something which House wasn't sure he'd heard right. "I dare you to kiss me."

There was pin drop silence.

"What?" House asked, unsure, for the first time in a long time.

"You heard me. Come up with a better dare, or do it." House had never really heard Wilson with this bitter challenge in his voice. But the bitterness wasn't directed at House, no. It was directed at himself, for some odd reason.

There was silence as House deliberated. If he kissed Wilson… but his mind got lost at those words. Somehow his normally solid, stoic mind went fluttery at even the thought. He felt sick at himself, and it must have shown on his face because Wilson smiled darkly, as if confirming something.

"Well," he said, "Now you know for sure. You know I'm gay. And I'm sorry if it disgusts you." House just stared. This wasn't Wilson. This was someone who had been jilted and pushed away. Someone jaded. Wilson wasn't jaded, was he? "I'm leaving now," he said, getting up from the couch.

"No!" House blurted out, for the first time letting his heart speak over his head. "Don't go." He felt sick at how much he sounded like a lovesick chit. "Don't go," he repeated. He picked up his cane and pushed himself upright. He could see Wilson warring between helping him, and not touching him for the fear that House wouldn't allow it. He hobbled over to Wilson, and Wilson backed off. The person standing in front of him wasn't the Wilson he knew. It was another secret Wilson, mixed with the Wilson he knew. Someone desperate for something, but hiding it.

He took another step forward, and Wilson took one back. One more, and Wilson had nowhere to go. House stepped up even closer and looked him in the eye. They were so close, that there was no mistaking the intent.

"I'm sorry, House!" Wilson was begging now. "Don't do this! If you do it, we can't even pretend everything's alright! Just leave it! It was a stupid dare! You don't have to kiss me!" It was like Wilson was lying through his teeth, because he thought House was only kissing him for the sake of the dare, and that once it was done, their friendship was over.

House whispered a hush, and Wilson fell silent. "I want to," he said, before planting his lips on Wilsons'. It was like nothing he'd expected. What he'd intended to be gentle was way out of control; the kind of kiss that had scared away dates, convincing them he wanted only one thing. Instead of being light, he'd crashed into Wilson and held down, Wilson stuck between him and a wall. Suddenly his blood was bubbling and he didn't want to let go. So he didn't. For the first time, he felt Wilsons' pearly whites with his tongue, smooth and even. He felt the slight scar where Wilson bit his lip when he was thinking. Through closed eyes he felt the trembling of Wilsons' unbelievably long lashes.

Heart pounding against his ribcage, throbbing in his head. His hand was on Wilsons' shoulder, pinning him like a butterfly, as he kissed him even more fiercely. Pent up emotions of years came flowing out, and finally his head chimed in. He pulled away and stared at the floor. Wilson slid out of the small gap between him and the wall, and picked up his coat.

Wilson looked at him and asked, "Why? We could have ignored it!"

House looked at him incredulously. "I've been dying to do that for years! Why d'ya think I said I wanted to?"

Wilson didn't have to say it, House knew. Anyone would have expected him to do anything in his power to complete the dare.

It suddenly seemed to strike Wilson what House had said. "Dying to do it? For years?" His brow was creased in a typically Wilson way. House knew there was only one way to handle this.

"James." Wilson froze. "I am gay, and have had a crush on you for an unearthly amount of time." The sentence was strangely comical, but Wilson saw the truth.

"Are you serious?" Wilson couldn't help but ask. He was half expecting House to say yes, and when he asked really, House would snap, _no,_ and that'd be the end of it.

House nodded. And apparently he was thinking the same thing, "Yes, really."

Another moment of restful silence before Wilson's face cracked into a grin. And before he could do anything or say anything, he'd kissed House again. He was more than half terrified House would vanish and he'd wake up from a beautiful dream. But House kissed back, and held him tight. For someone who was such a cold bastard, House had a warm grip, Wilson couldn't help but thinking.

Then House grinned and said, "All my lovers have to cook for me! I am the Ultimate Ruler of the Universe! And I like Macadamia Nut Pancakes!"

Wilson felt warmth at being called Houses' lover. But he rolled his eyes. "It's nine in the evening, House. You want pancakes?"

"You must now address me as Lover House, or Sex-God House, and yes! I want pancakes!" Wilson saw this ridiculous attempt for what it was—a distraction from the heavy revelations of the evening. Wilson accepted it, and followed it up as he went towards the kitchen.

"But I haven't even tried the sex!" he complained, grinning.

"Was that a challenge? A dare?" House asked, coming after him.

Wilson shrugged. "Probably." And grinned.

Life was good. Thank goodness for kilts and Houses' retarded games.

Okay, I am waaaay not happy with this one. The romantic side of me says; YAY FLUFF!!! But the practical side says; well, they're out of character… Very out of character. None of them would ever do this. And the romantic side says; Rawr! All Fluff lovers will *heart* this!!!

I hope ya'll do. And forgive me for my out-of-characterness. It wasn't intended, or realised till the end.

Please let me know what you think!

Love,

Lady Merlin


End file.
